When I think about ‘my story’ and how I got here I don’t really know how to start…
Why? Because when I think back of my life, I see myself from the outside. Like a bystander…. a supporting act….
Growing up I was always told that I’m smart and pretty and what not… But I was never really taught to know my boundaries, to own my worth and speak up for myself….
I didn’t live my life, life lived me. Or maybe I should say dragged me around. I didn’t make conscious decisions, I always felt like they have been made for me.
You want examples, because this sounds a bit vague?
Okay… here they are, all the times I felt like I didn’t have a choice or a right to have a voice.
I got into a relationship (super young, it was just holding hands and walking me home, but still) because this boy kissed me (eventhough I didn’t really want to be kissed) and he thought that we’re a couple now. I didn’t correct him. We went out for 6 MONTHS.
I had a guy telling me for months to go out on a date. So after a while I gave in so we went out. I didn’t like him. But he liked me, so we went out for OVER A YEAR.
I had a job where they treated me like rubbish, yelled at me, didn’t give me any respect, and was treated unfairly and cruel words were thrown at me every day.
I had days where I was crying behind the counter, because I felt so mistreated and humiliated.. But no one ever told me that I have the option to say no and that I might be right. So I stayed at that place for MORE THAN A YEAR….
I raised my glass and cheered for my dad when he proposed to the woman who ruined us, on a Christmas Eve. A woman, who physically and mentally hurt and abused me, my mum and my sister, while I was falling to pieces and screaming inside..
But I thought my feelings are not valid and I’m wrong (because I was told so)
After that I started to see that this is not my life, I don’t want to be dragged around like a rag doll. But I still didn’t realise that I have rights, I have valid feelings, and I might be right when I feel injustice.
After my mum (a fellow coach) had a session with me it became clear that I had to leave.
I packed up all my stuff, emptied my bank account and moved to the other side of the world.
But here these things didn’t stop of course, because I never really faced the real, root problem.
I worked at places again, where they smiled in my face and I thought we were friends, but I was disrespected, used, and belittled over and over again.
And of course what did I do? Just smiled and thought they were right….
I met my wonderful partner, and that was the first time I ever felt like things were falling into place.
But my job was still killing me every day. If you know me I’m a hard worker, I put in 110%, but I never felt like I got rewarded for that….
I also never asked for it….
As you might notice, there’s a pattern here.
But I didn’t consciously know that at the time…..
I knew I had to change, I had to create a life for me and my family where I am strong, I know my worth, I trust myself and I’m finally the MAIN CHARACTER of my story, the hero, not the supporting act.
I was searching so deep, and I knew I wanted drastic change.
It was my coaching accreditation that really let me explore who I am, and why I made the choices I did...
It was deep, intense, and transforming.
I realised that I CAN be right, and that I have rights. I am worthy, I am strong and I DESERVE to be the hero of my life.
I’m the one making decisions, I have the right to say NO.
Even though I’ve been on the spiritual path for over a decade, I never felt this true connection to myself. Probably because I never really knew who that person was.
How did my life change, ‘give me tangible proof’ I hear you say…
By dedicating more time to self exploration I realised what my true core values are.
Giving more than what I take and living in love is the essence of my life and I found my passion and purpose.
My life is aligned with who I truly am and what I really want.
I believe in a future that I can’t feel yet with my senses but I can truly believe in it. Because I believe in myself.
So with this program and my mindfulness practice I created an environment for myself where I can be 100% who I want to be, be at peace and feel fulfilled, through finding my calling to become a coach for people with similar struggles and challenges.
My decisions are contributing in many ways to my future, I need to trust them and I need to stand up for myself and own my worth.
Never forget: Success is your birthright!