It doesn’t come easy to write about this for me. For years I’ve been feeling like I’m not ‘enough’… Not because anything happened, but because I genuinely thought that it is the ‘norm’…
Growing up in Hungary I didn’t have many people around me that I thought felt worthy, confident or just simply fulfilled. I always believed that ‘you have to be born to be confident’. That you have to be a superstar, a singer in a band or a multimillionaire to be ‘enough’… So I never even tried.
I was angry that others disrespected me, didn’t give me credit or didn’t know my worth and underestimated my abilities.
But then one day someone asked me if I respect myself? Do I feel like I should be getting that credit, that job or that award.And I felt ashamed, because the answer was ‘no’.
When I turned 16 I began a journey of self-discovery with meditation, and spirituality. It made me realise that we are all looking for that one thing that connects us with our true selves, whether we see that or not.. And that is to love ourselves. But without knowing who we really are, how can we love that person? I took time to connect, and be comfortable to be with just me.. And I realised a few things along the way.
We can look for validation from the outside, we can think that if we have that degree, or get that guy (or girl), or if we run that marathon we will be enough, but the truth is, we will always find something else to measure up to.
So should we just give up and accept that we’ll never be ‘enough’ for ourselves?
When I realised that it is my fault for the way my life is going, I decided to take credit for my actions. I finally held myself responsible and stopped blaming others for my life..
It took me a long time. Years. But I want to share with you the steps you can take that will help you to feel ‘enough’ again, hopefully quicker than it took me…
First of all ’enough’ is just a word, a perception in our mind… no one can really set a scale and say this is the 1-10 scale of ‘being enough’.
1. Understand that this is a process. You can change it, but it takes time and work.
2. Commit. There will be obstacles in your way, that you will have to overcome. Don’t give up! Never give up.
3. Ask yourself the question:
Just how much is ‘enough’?
Who determines what’s ‘enough’?
Who decides if you’re enough?….
4. If you answer these questions you have to ask yourself:
What’s holding you back to feel enough? The answer for me was MYSELF.
5. Talk to yourself in a loving way.
If you don’t respect yourself in everyday life, you can’t grow into a truly, internally confident person.
Find affirmations that can help you love yourself.
“I am enough”
“I am worthy”
“No matter what happened yesterday, what happens today or will happen tomorrow, I love myself”
6. Put yourself first. Prioritising yourself is not selfish. It just means you put your oxygen mask on first before you put on others’. Otherwise you run out of air before you can reach out and help.
7. Check your environment. Although I said these feelings come from within, if you are surrounded by people who tell you every day how unworthy, bad you are at what you are doing, eventually you are going to believe it. And it is going to be really hard to work on your self worth with people like that around you. Ask yourself: Am I surrounded with people that make me feel good, respect me, give me love? Get rid of the toxic environment.
8. Take the imperfect action. Even if you don’t feel like it… you always wanted to do yoga, but never felt good enough? Do it anyway. Take that pottery class, dye your hair pink. Whatever makes you happy. Do it. And you will see that it is ok.
9. Fail! Please do. That means you tried something else! It’s ok to fail. Next time you won’t. Learn from them and see that they’re not mistakes, they are chapters of lessons to be learned.
If you want something to change, you have to change something…. right?
I wasted so much time pretending I’m not enough. Trying to please everyone, and I ended up losing myself…. Own your worth, yourself. Step up. And tell yourself every day.
I AM ENOUGH.